Modernized C.S. Lewis

My dear Wormwood,

It gives me great pleasure that you are finally taking my advice regarding your patient and his personal devotions. Your last letter implored me to go into more explicit detail, and I shall comply.

Reinforce in him that prayer is simply an additional and unfortunately necessary part of the Christian lifestyle (a direct attack will only result in him clinging closer to the Enemy), and that his prayers must be lengthy and stirring. He will end up babbling like those old hypocritical amphibians, praying to be seen by those creatures rather than heard by the Enemy. Their long and eloquent prayers are indeed most impressive.

While he is composing his ritual, allow his mind to wander to his kith and kin and other trivial matters of the day. Once his thoughts are no longer focused, they become recalcitrant for him and compliant for you. Thoughts have no limitations, and he can reflect on all sorts of aspects of the past day, past week, or even the past month. His mind may even remain completely blank for long periods of time. These are the opportune moments in which to suffuse his mind with haphazard reflections.

Excuses become very convenient in which to impose on him a lack of need for prayer. A prayer requires much concentration, and after a long and arduous day, his will power will become lax and susceptible to your guidance. A sudden sapping of strength will make him long for sleep, not concentration of prayer to the unseen God. Over-sleeping also becomes opportune for leaving your patient with no time left for preparation of the day. The snooze-button is a wonderful invention to which those mortals are addicted. After half a dozen or so times of ramming this switch, time will have escaped and watch as he dashes madly out of the front door in great haste.

Dissatisfaction is a common feeling during these days. This can also permeate into his prayers. The Enemy answers prayers on His own terms, not on those of the humans. This can be used to our advantage. Human beings quickly become anxious when they do not receive an immediate reply and assume that there is no one listening to them any longer. It is at these moments that you can steep his mind with doubts and little desire to continue in such fruitless exercises.

The law of undulation is always a key aspect of their lives. Dissatisfaction is a low for your patient, but he can also have his moments of strength. While he is coasting through the good stages, inflict in him a feeling that he is self-sufficient and self-dependant. He will relinquish all reliance on the Enemy and lean on his own devices. This is what you want him to achieve.

Modern technology can keep him away from his religious observance. The television is quick and direct, dulling his mind and focusing his senses on that one flickering screen. The internet also squanders much of his time on idle and highly addictive things, such as the new phase of Facebook.

At all costs, keep that incompetent cretin too busy or otherwise occupied to open the Book of the Enemy’s people. Continue to strive for destruction. Do you remember Cacin? If you fail as well, you will be in line to tremble at the triple call of oyez,

your affectionate uncle,
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